First of all, I’m proud of myself. I don’t really enjoy lifting weights. I don’t really enjoy the gym in general, but I’ve gotten my butt to the gym four to five times each week and banged out the workouts.

I’m getting over a cold, so the second half of last week’s workouts weren’t that strong (and to be honest, I should have rested sometimes instead of forcing myself into it), but overall, I’m feeling good.

My arms are bigger. I’m actually quite surprised how much muscle I’ve developed in four weeks. But my arms are definitely bigger. My back and chest feel stronger, and to be honest, I’ve even seen a difference in my legs. They aren’t bigger, but they are more toned looking.

There has been one aspect of this whole program that I’m struggling with though: Eating.

Turns out, weight lifting (in addition to my regular hiking, running, touch of yoga routine) leaves me with an insatiable appetite. I am Always. Hungry.

Last week, the combination of feeling really lethargic because of my cold mixed with two and a half weeks of feeling vaguely unsatisfied ended with me eating a lot of peanut butter and jam sandwiches and Doritos. Predictably, I was left with a bloated stomach and a renewed resolve to eat my veggies.

I think the solution to my never-abating hunger may be fat. I try to eat two avocados a week and some almonds most days, but today I bought two cans of coconut milk (very high in fat – who knew?) to mix in with my morning protein shake. I also take a daily supplement of omegas. The combo of all those things should leave my fat stores high by the end of the week and I’m hoping that it will make me feel more satisfied – I’m not sure my pants can handle another Dorito-heavy weekend.

It had been a long time since I’d logged any kind of distance by myself, and it was really good to get out there. Long runs clear my head, and even if I don’t really realize how cluttered things are getting inside of there before I go, there’s always a calm that settles in afterwards. I guess that’s why I like marathon training so much (I actually enjoy the training more than the race itself), it keeps that calm close by on a regular basis.

My babysitter got sick last minute, and so my good friend offered to watch my kids at her house while I ran. I thanked her profusely, and although she smiled and told me that it was no problem (our kids love playing together), I’m not sure that she really knew how much it meant to me.

Things happen like that sometimes, that someone extends a hand when you need it. A simple gesture (it’s not uncommon for us to watch each other’s kids), that means so much. Because in one gesture they’ve said “I love you, I want to help you.”

That’s the big thing about committing to something, I find. For me, running takes up a lot of my time. Since I don’t punch a clock (and probably hopefully never will), I can get most of my runs in between classes or before I get the kids from daycare. But when I pawn my kids off on someone else, when my husbands takes them to the playground by himself while I run, when my parents greet them at 7am on Saturday mornings before my group runs with TNT, it makes a world of difference. Because something so silly, something that I’ll never “win” doing, something that provides me with nothing except peace of mind… even though it “gives” me nothing, it still gives me everything. And all they know is that it matters enough to me to matter to them.

I couldn’t ask for anything more.

So far, so good, basically. The first week was unbelievable exhausting. By day three, I dragged my tired body to the gym only to realize that I wasn’t even finished of the first week! I was shocked by how physically draining it was to focus on weights like that. Obviously, that’s not rocket science, but I haven’t stuck to a real weight training program (that required any more than weights twice a week) in about eight years.

(On a side note, I meant to take a picture of myself wearing a sports bra and shorts at the first, at week four, eight and twelve to see any difference. Since I don’t weigh myself, I figured pictures would be a good way to measure progress. I forgot to take any at the beginning though, so I’ll just start at week four.)

I wanted to talk about what I’ve been doing for the past two weeks. The first month of the program requires four days of weights, old school style. Chest/tris, back/bis, legs, shoulders/abs. To fit my life and workout style, I changed it around the slightest bit. The biggest difference between what I do and the program website is that I do cardio. And by “cardio” I mean run and hike with a 30lbs backpack. This program preaches getting fit without doing cardio for the first month, and while I don’t argue that works for some people, especially for someone starting new into fitness, no running is not an option for me. The end. I don’t know if that will make the changes less noticeable later on once cardio/interval training is introduced, I guess we’ll see.

Next, I super-set a lot of the exercises. For two reasons: one, because I have zero interest in spending an hour at the gym and by pushing the exercises into super-sets, I can bang it out in 25-35 minutes. Secondly, as far as maximum return on a workout goes, intensity is key. I’m not looking for hue muscles. I’d be flat out lying if I said that aesthetics weren’t (a big) part of why I’m doing this, but I’m looking for strength, not necessarily bulk. So while a super-set may require me using a slightly lighter weight, the trade off is worth it for me.

Also, I completely changed leg day. I changed it from hamstring curls and leg extensions (things that I see as utterly useless, to be bluntly honest) to barbell squats, jump lunges, jump squats, ball hamstring curls, calf raises and butt lifts on the exercise ball. It still gives me a really good leg workout, but won’t give me anymore bulk. I have large quads, and while I am actively trying to embrace the Thunder Thigh, I also have zero interest in making them any bigger. Plus (and perhaps more importantly), these exercises will be more beneficial for running.

Lastly, and I honestly think that this is the biggest flaw of the entire program, I work core everyday. For runners, a strong core can be the difference between injuries and running injury free. It can be a ten minute time difference on a long race. For weight lifters, a weak core can compromise your form to the point of injury. I alternate between planks and back extensions plus do crunches on a ball or old school sit ups at least each day I lift weights (sometimes, if I’m feeling ambitious, I do planks at home while I’m watching tv).

As far as the eating plan goes, I’m not really changing how I was eating. I eat mostly healthy, mostly fresh food with the occasional cupcake with ice cream thrown in. I do find that I need to eat more often or else I crash. I’ve been focusing on eating a snack between 9:30 and 10:00 in the morning and between 3 and 4 in the afternoon. Generally speaking, I’m in a constant state of hunger from 4:00 until I eat dinner anyway, and to be honest, at least making myself eat an apple and some almonds prevents me from eating cookies while I’m making dinner (usually).

So basically, my conclusion, thus far anyway, is: Weights make you tired and hungry. And make you kind of feel like a bad ass. Like I said, so far, so good.

Physically, I’m exhausted. This is more weights that I’ve lifted in a long, long time. I’ve been making sure to stretch and drink lots of water, and I don’t really mind the little bit of stiffness I feel. I’ve been sleeping like a rock, knocked out as soon as I hit the pillow at night. And although I don’t weigh myself, I definitely feel good (strong, lean, firm). But man, am I tired!

I’ll be happy to see the end of this week and get out for a run with my Team in Training group for our run on Saturday (finally! Something that feels natural!).

How’s everyone else’s week going? Keeping up with any New Years Resolutions? New fitness programs making you as tired as me? Long runs this weekend? I’d love to hear!

I find it hard to find things to write about when I’m not specifically training for something myself, and despite running a PB Marathon, a PB Half Marathon and starting to coach for TNT Halifax in 2011 (whew! It’s been a physically fitness kind of year!), the last few months of 2011 left me feeling like I was floundering.

I shipped the kids off to school today, went to the gym and then the grocery store where I bought a cart full of healthy and delicious food (cliche, much?).

As I lifted weights at the gym for the first time in a long time, I kind of felt self conscious. Mostly about the narrow-arm push-ups I ended up having to do on my knees and the fact that I think I may have peed myself a little while I was jumping rope.

Running is my thing. I do it, I love it, I will continue to do it. Eventually I’ll buckle down and train for another marathon and eventually I’ll buckle down and train my ass off for a new half PB. It’s not a question of me running, I won’t stop. It keeps me sane, it keeps me feeling good about myself, it keeps my soul thankful. Weight training is a different story. I don’t overly care for it, I always feel like I’m doing it wrong and to be honest, I’d rather be running. Or Biking. Or, well, you get the idea.

So I’ve started this new weight training program that’s 12 weeks. And after I left the gym today, trembling arms and all, I realized that it’s probably good for me to step outside of my comfort zone like this.

Looking back at pictures from the last year, I realized that my body changed quite a bit. I leaned out and gained some more muscle mass. It can be really hard to see progress when it’s veeeerrrryyy slow and steady, but twelve months later, the pictures don’t lie. Since I won’t be marathon training this year winter**, I’m looking forward to something equally challenging.

What about you? Tell me about your New Years Resolutions! And is your gym as crazy busy as mine?!

(I’m still kind of toying with the idea of PEI Marathon 2012.)
(But I have commitment issues.)

I dropped her off at preschool today and came home to write an online exam. And now, I’m headed out for a run. It’s cold and sunny today and it feels just about perfect for a run.

Life hits pause when kids are sick. There’s no sneaking out of the house to run and by the time they’re in bed, I’m always exhausted too. But she’s better now (and I bet those antibiotics she’s on will ensure a snuffle free Christmas) and since this is the last week of exams, elementary school and preschool before Christmas vacation, I am looking forward to clocking some kms on my Nike+ app!

What about you? Are you managing to make time for runs during this crazy time of year?

What good does it do?

I (honestly and truly) don’t believe that “Healthy Weight Ranges” and “BMI” are accurate or healthy portrayals of human bodies. I am lean, short and dense. And have been pretty much my whole life. I am on the upper end of my healthy weight range (due to muscle mass which is never accounted for) and in a mid-to-high BMI range.

I also have extremely defined legs, a lean and (mostly) flat stomach, and a decent amount of muscle on my upper body.

What I’m saying is that I’m lean. And neither of those two calculators tell me that I am. They tell me that lighter is better. End of story.

There was never a scale in my house growing up. And I thank my mother for that. So scales and weight and really even my pants size meant nothing to me. Because I was healthy and confident and active my entire life. And then I got pregnant and had a baby.

The first time, I gained a ton of weight. I don’t know exactly how much because I was under midwife care and (God bless them), they realized that each half pound really didn’t need to be documented. And then, due to the lack of scale in my own house, after I had the baby, I ran and ate well and lost a lot of weight. I headed back to Weight Watchers for a couple months just before my wedding and dropped 10lbs fast, but there wasn’t an obsession. I had lost close to 60 lbs in less than a year! Go me! I felt great!

After my second daughter was born, I decided to join Weight Watchers immediately (well, when she was five weeks old). I lost all the weight I had gained during pregnancy in five months. Go me!

But something had taken hold. This obsessed little voice wanted 140lbs. And then it wanted 135lbs. And then it wanted to lose more because it feels so good when you step on a scale and the lady congratulates you because you are lighter.

Fast forward three years and two marathons and a lot more muscle mass and I think right now I probably weigh more than I did at my lightest during my WW stint. I like my body better, it’s stronger and leaner, but’s it’s heavier.

The scale is a beshitted mistress. You lose two pounds and all you can think about is the next two. You gain five pounds and you feel like crap. It’s a horrible cycle that means nothing and does nothing to increase or promote your self-esteem long term.

So I quit it.

And then I didn’t.

I’ve been hiking with weights and running and doing core exercises at night and I have been feeling really good and strong and lean. I was in the gym a month ago and looked up from tying my laces and the scale whispered to me: Hey! Kaitlyn! You are looking *good* girl! I see a shimmer of definition on that stomach. You have been working hard…. you know? I bet you’ve lost weight. You are going to feel even *better* when see you that you’ve lost at least, like…. 5lbs? Maybe even 7. Wouldn’t that be something? Come here, just for a sec…

So I did. I gulped down the feeling of guilt (because I promised that I wouldn’t) and stepped on the scale. I excitedly adjusted the weight and…. I was one pound heavier than last time.

Tell me it’s muscle, tell me it’s water bloat, tell me I was stupid to do it in the first place. It doesn’t matter because it made me feel like crap. For three freaking weeks. Because I hadn’t lost weight. Because out of everything awesome that has been going on in my life, all I could see was that an irrelevant number hadn’t changed. How messed up is that?

I realized, of course, that it was the number that made me feel that way, that erased my hard work in the blink of an eye. But it took a long time for that crappy feeling to lift, to be honest.

It lifted and I feel great again. I feel strong and competent and happy. I’m not saying that I’ll never again be tempted to weight myself, but I am saying this: I am 100% happier without a scale in my life. Because the number. Doesn’t. Matter. It does not define you as a person. You are not your weight or your BMI or pants size.

You are YOU. Strong and wonderful and beautiful and funny!

And so am I.

I loved it! The cold air, the freshness in the air that freshly fallen snow leaves behind, even the dark clouds. It made me feel all cozy inside.

It’s been about four winters now, that I’ve consistently run outside (as opposed to just hibernating and eating my way through winter) and every year, I love it more. Heat and sunscreen and humidity? No thanks! But some cold air, a damp toque at the end of a run and a hot bath? Yes please!!!

I’ve signed up for the Hypothermic Half and while I’ve been itching for a long-ish run, I didn’t have time this week. I’m planning on getting in some 15-20k runs through December.

(I’ve also been flirting with the idea of another marathon. Which is ridiculous since I am actually too busy to train for PEI or the Marathon by the Sea – even though I kind of want to. What about training but not aiming for a PB? to be honest, I don’t even know if I have that kind of relaxed attitude in me.)

Anyway, what about you? Is it cold and snowy where you are or still crazy mild? How are you keeping yourself on track this winter? Tell me all about it!

The first week was all excitement and buzz in the room before the run. There were nervous exclamations and tentative goals announced and breath huffed out into steamy puffs in the cold November air.

There have been some minor injuries, some discouraging runs, some heartfelt conversations about affirming goals. But most of all? There has been so much inspiration.

I watch them struggle and succeed. I read their Facebook statuses and I am constantly awed by these people. To say nothing of the reason they’re running, to say nothing of the insane amounts of money this group has pledged to raise, but to watch them start from scratch and promise to run a half-marathon, to run a full marathon. That is something I never, ever had the courage to do.

I’m cautious, terrified of failure, and so I step tentatively and quietly until I am sure that I am ready, sure that I will reach my goal. But these courageous people, who decide to train for very, very long distances without having run more than 5k or 10k or something even 2k. And they don’t do it quietly! They post it on Facebook and tell their friends and family. They do it loudly and for a reason.

I’m running for my grand-mother.
I’m running for my father.
I’m running for my wife.
For my child.
For my neighbour’s child.
I’m running for thanks, because we are healthy.

And they thank me, every week, for encouragement and support and advice. But what they don’t see, what I’m not really sure that they understand, is that I’m the one who should thank them.

For showing me how brave and beautiful people can be. For welcoming me into the place that makes tears spring to my eyes every Saturday – tears of thanks and of empathy. These wonderful, welcoming, people who are so willing to learn and train and make a difference in the world – they are amazing. And I am so, so lucky to know them.

Play with the combination of these ingredients until you find the mixture that’s right for you. Combine and mix in tall drinking glass. Gulp happily.

Feel free to enhance flavours with a glass of red wine.

*This won’t make it into the What’s Cookin’ blog, but I definitely think it’s a recipe worth sharing.

Enjoy.